A ‘Girl’s Girl’: Empowering or Overwhelming?
By: Aisha Zahrany Putri Noor
Edited by: Fayza Rizkita Kania
Gone had the days of the ‘pick-me’ girls, it’s time for ‘girl’s girl’! But what is a ‘girl’s girl’?
According to Urban Dictionary, ‘girl’s girl’ refers to “a girl who has respect for female etiquette,” but this is way too general. If you look up the hashtag ‘girl’s girl’ on TikTok, however, you will find many videos that provide examples of who is and who is not a ‘girl’s girl.’ TikToker lilmikara posted a video with the caption ‘How to be a GIRL’s GIRL 101.’ Some of her opinions on how to be a ‘girl’s girl’ include letting a girl know if their man is cheating, never putting down other girls because of their appearance or jealousy, and many others.
Essentially, a ‘girl’s girl’ is a girl who supports female friendship and avoids unnecessary female competition. Girls are now encouraged to support each other. This act of supporting other girls can range from small things such as complimenting other girl’s hair and make-up to much more important things such as making sure no girls are left alone in a room full of men.
Alongside the rising ‘girl’s girl’ trend, another type of girl also takes the spotlight on the internet. The ‘pick-me’ girl is another popular term which refers to girls who yearn for attention and validation, usually, from men. The worst part about ‘pick-me’ girls is that they often do this by bringing other girls down. Some common portrayals include the ‘pick-me’ girls claiming to be “all natural” and mock girls who like to dress up and wear make-up, or they would claim to be “one of the boys” because they like sports and video games and hate barbie and anything pink. At this point, you would already know that a ‘girl’s girl’ would never do that!
When comparing these term’s definitions, it is clear that ‘girl’s girl’ is the complete opposite of the ‘pick-me’ girl. In fact, we can argue that ‘girl’s girl’ is a response to the ‘pick-me’ girl trend. Historically speaking, girls have been put against each other for the smallest little things. You may remember the ‘edgy Tumblr girl’ trend back in the early 2010s or the ‘not-like-other girls’ trope in books and movies. These terms and the ‘pick-me’ girl term share the same characteristic: they dislike the typical feminine characteristics, and they bring down other girls to lift themselves up. ‘Girl’s girl’ serves as a way to criticize and fight against these trends. ‘Girl’s girls’ celebrates femininity instead of villainizing them. ‘Girl’s girls’ uplifts other girls just because. But, most of all, ‘girl’s girls’ opt for defending other girls instead of seeking for male validation.
Due to the nature of the internet, trends tend to be diluted and even misinterpreted once they are widely spread. Unfortunately, the same thing may have happened to ‘girl’s girl.’ The thing with social media is that it has a big role in shaping our perception and expectation on something. Looking back at the definition of ‘girl’s girl,’ you can see how people on social media set up rules and limitations of ‘girl’s girl’ which curated the ideal portrayal of women who embody female empowerment and friendship.
Now, this is not to say that ‘girl’s girl’ is a bad trend that needs to be left out. If anything, its benefit outweighs the flaws. At its core, the concept of ‘girl’s girl’ exists due to the alarming demand of female empowerment and support. It is not just a silly trend, but instead an idea that is rooted in actual issues, particularly patriarchy and misogyny. Ultimately, defining a ‘girl’s girl’ should celebrate genuine female friendships and reject harmful stereotypes, while also recognizing the complexities and nuances that come with it.
While this idea is absolutely amazing, it still sets up unrealistic expectations and pressure for girls. The extreme side of this trend might think that girls should never dislike other girls, even if they have actual problems, and girls should always present a flawless image of sisterhood and female solidarity. This rejects the notion that girls and their lives are complex, and it is, unfortunately, not always about friendships and compliments. This may also lead to performative behaviour in which people would join the ‘girl’s girl’ trend just for clout, instead of acknowledging and focusing on the real issue.
You might think that this is reaching, but the way we react to controversial news that involve women has shown that this assumption might not be too far from the truth. This is especially apparent with news of romance and infidelity, but more specifically, celebrity’s love life. Some examples include Ariana Grande’s cheating accusation and Hailey Bieber’s long-lasting ‘beef’ with Selena Gomez over Justin Bieber.
Now, cheating is a big violation of ‘girl’s girl’ rules, thus, cheaters are definitely not ‘girl’s girls.’ You may argue that, of course, cheaters are the ones to blame regardless of their gender. However, the problem with this is that, in most cheating cases, we often put a disproportionate amount of blame on women other than men. Both Ariana and Hailey have received harsh judgement from people months and years after the news came out, while society would drop the men in the story after a week of conversation. It is hyperbole, of course, but the point still stands: the unrealistic pressure and expectation to show the act of women solidarity has led us to put more blame on women when mistakes are made.
